Are You a Top, Bottom, Versatile or Side?

In the LGBT community, the terms "top", "bottom", "versatile", and "side" are often used to describe someone’s sexual preferences. But why are these terms so significant, and what do they really mean? In this article, the LOVE Team will give you a primer on these concepts, clearly defining each term, and exploring what they imply in a gay or straight relationship. Whether you're curious to understand these words better or want to better understand your own preferences, the LOVE Team has got you covered!

In the LGBT community, "top", "bottom", "versatile", and "side" are commonly used to indicate if an individual prefers to be penetrated or to be the one doing the penetrating. These terms serve as shorthand for expressing one’s sexual preferences concisely and clearly. They help quickly determine if you're compatible with a potential sexual partner, making things easier.

These terms aren't just about describing sexual roles; they also play a crucial part in communication and mutual understanding within the community. By using these terms, people can express their preferences directly, avoiding misunderstandings and disappointment.

These terms aren't necessarily tied to gender stereotypes. For instance, a "bottom" isn't always more "effeminate" than a "top". However, some studies have shown that "tops" may display more typically “masculine” qualities than bottoms (for example, tops tend to do fewer household chores than their partners). These observations highlight that while the terms don't define gender roles, they can sometimes reflect broader social and cultural dynamics.

The term "top" refers to someone who prefers penetrating their sexual partner, as opposed to being penetrated. Contrary to popular belief, this isn't necessarily linked to a specific physical position. A man can penetrate another man from below or above, changing positions based on desires and preferences.

The term "bottom" refers to the opposite of the top—the partner who prefers to be penetrated. In LGBT-speak, this term is commonly used to describe a specific sexual preference. However, it's not exclusive to the queer community. For instance, a straight man who enjoys being penetrated by his partner during pegging can also be considered a bottom, with the woman taking on the role of the top.

Being a bottom doesn't necessarily mean adopting a passive or submissive role. Quite the opposite, it can involve a lot of self-confidence and open-mindedness. The bottom can be the one guiding and communicating their desires and limits, thus playing an active role in the sexual dynamic.

Preferences don't define a person's identity or sense of masculinity. A bottom can be just as dominant or assertive in other aspects of their life. Communication and mutual respect are key, allowing each partner to express themselves freely and find a balance that works for them.

The term "versatile" refers to a gay man who enjoys both penetrating and being penetrated, without limiting himself to just one role.

Versatile men are often seen as having better odds of finding the right mate, as they’re compatible with a wider variety of sexual partners. This adaptability allows them to adjust to the preferences of others, creating a rich and satisfying sexual dynamic.

Being versatile isn't just about switching physical roles; it's also about adopting an open and curious attitude. This can enrich relationships by bringing a diversity of experiences and promoting more fluid and honest communication. Versatiles are generally appreciated for their ability to adapt and explore different aspects of sexuality, making encounters more exciting and satisfying.

The term "side" refers to a gay man who does not enjoy anal penetration in any role, preferring other sex acts instead. Neither top nor bottom, the side will gravitate toward other forms of pleasure, including oral or manual stimulation. This preference can sometimes be misunderstood or stigmatised in the gay community, where anal penetration is often seen as the norm.

Many gay men who identify as sides can feel marginalised or misunderstood. However, with the rise of dating platforms like Grindr and other specialised dating apps, it's easier than ever to find like-minded partners. These tools will allow you to make connections based on common sexual interests, providing a space where everyone can express themselves freely and without judgement.

After all, being a side doesn't mean forgoing pleasure; it's about exploring other sides of your sexuality. Oral sex and handjobs (or even mutual masturbation) can be just as satisfying and enriching for a gay couple, allowing them to discover new sensations and strengthen the intimate bond they share.

It’s important to understand that the terms "top", "bottom", "versatile", and "side" only define a sexual preference, much like those of heterosexual couples. These labels don't dictate who you are as a person nor do they limit your identity or lifestyle.

For instance, a side can have a very active and fulfilling sex life without feeling excluded from the gay community. Preferring certain sex acts over anal penetration doesn't mean you're not fully embracing the gay lifestyle. Everyone has the right to define the pleasure that they enjoy and what works for them without judgement.

Plus, sexual dynamics within a given relationship may vary. A "bottom" can be just as dominant as their "top" partner, if not more. This is often referred to as a "power bottom", a term that illustrates how sexual roles don't necessarily determine power dynamics in a relationship.

All in all, sexual preferences are as diverse as the individuals themselves, and it's a good thing to celebrate this diversity. Whether you're a top, bottom, versatile, or side, the goal is to communicate openly with your partner and find what makes you both happy and fulfilled.

These terms are just tools for better understanding and mutual respect. They should never be used to stigmatise or judge, but rather to enrich your sexual experiences.

If you're new to the world of gay sex, feel free to check out our guide on anal sex. This guide will help you approach your first sexual experiences with confidence and peace of mind.

And remember, the LOVE Team is always here for you. If you have any questions or need help, don't hesitate to reach out. We're here to support and guide you as you explore the many facets of your sexuality.