Relationship Red Flags: How to Spot a Toxic Partner from Day One

Some things might just be light wrinkles that smooth out over time, but others run deeper and could make the relationship difficult down the line. The trick is spotting them early enough to save yourself from unnecessary heartache.

So, what are the biggest red flags that should make you think twice before getting in any deeper? Let’s break them down so you don’t end up blind sided by someone who isn’t quite who they seemed.

Your new love interest seems perfect. Thoughtful, charming, always hanging on your every word. Basically, your new partner is a dream come true. But how do they treat people when there’s nothing to gain?

Watch their behaviour with waiters, baristas, cashiers, or anyone in a service role. If they snap instead of asking politely, skip basic manners, or speak to staff like they’re beneath them, that’s not just bad etiquette—it’s a warning sign. Raising their voice to get attention, being dismissive, or acting entitled says far more about their character than how they treat you in the honeymoon phase.

Right now, you’re the centre of their world. But what happens when the initial spark fades? If someone has no respect for others, chances are, that attitude won’t stop at strangers. Do you really want to be with someone who looks down on people?

At first, having someone who’s eager to see you at every opportunity feels amazing. They never turn down plans, always work around your schedule, and seem totally devoted. But is it because they’re that into you, or because they don’t have much else going on?

A completely empty calendar outside of your relationship can be a red flag. It could mean they lack close friendships, hobbies, or even personal goals. And while their constant availability might feel flattering now, it can quickly turn into something suffocating. If you’re the only thing filling their time, don’t be surprised if they start getting clingy and you start craving some space.

A healthy relationship needs two people with their own lives, not one person orbiting the other. If they don’t seem to have any interests beyond you, it’s worth asking yourself why.

We’ve all got baggage. Breakups can be messy, and some leave lasting scars. But there’s a huge difference between having a messy relationship in the past and being completely obsessed by an ex in the present.

If your partner constantly brings up their ex (especially to badmouth them), it’s a sign they haven’t truly moved on. Because the opposite of love isn’t hate; it’s indifference. Rehashing an old relationship over and over means they’re still emotionally attached to their ex.

And here’s something to think about: if they’re this fixated on their ex now, what’s stopping them from talking about you the same way down the line? Let them work through their baggage before you get too invested. A healthy relationship starts with someone who’s ready for the present—not stuck in the past.

Gaslighting is one of the most subtle yet dangerous forms of emotional manipulation. It happens when your partner twists reality, downplays events, or makes you question your own memory. Over time, you start doubting yourself: your judgment, your instincts, even your own experiences.

At first, it might seem harmless: a little contradiction here, an obvious lie there, which you brush off to avoid unnecessary drama. But these mind games tend to escalate. They might flat-out deny things they’ve said, even when you know you heard them. They could rewrite events to suit their narrative or even push you into situations that don’t feel right (including in the bedroom).

This isn’t just a misunderstanding; it’s a calculated way to take control. If you constantly feel like you’re losing your grip on reality, step back. You’re not imagining things: they’re making you doubt what you know to be true. And that’s not love. It’s manipulation.

Some red flags seem harmless at first, but this one can quickly become suffocating, or even dangerous. If your partner has an opinion on everything (and usually a negative one), it’s worth paying attention. Criticising your friends, your hobbies, your clothes, or even what you eat isn’t just a difference of opinion. It’s about control.

It often starts subtly, disguised as humour or "helpful" advice: I’m only saying this for your own good! But over time, those comments turn into instructions. Your choices shrink. What seemed like small compromises begin to feel more like orders.

In a healthy relationship, decisions are made together. If one person always calls the shots while the other constantly gives in, things can take a toxic turn. You should never have to ask for permission to be yourself.

There’s nothing wrong with enjoying a night out, having a drink with friends, or even letting loose once in a while. But when alcohol (or any other substance) becomes a must rather than a tasty social lubricant, that’s a different story.

The same goes for cannabis. The occasional joint is one thing, but if smoking becomes an everyday habit, it can take a toll on a relationship. Before things get serious, ask yourself: are you comfortable with this lifestyle and everything that comes with it?

Everyone gets stressed or frustrated sometimes. That’s normal. But if your partner regularly flies off the handle over small things—traffic, queues, a tough day at work—that’s not just a short temper. It could be a much bigger issue.

Right now, they’re snapping at a stranger, swearing at their laptop, or lashing out at a waiter who took too long. But what happens when that anger starts creeping into your relationship? People with explosive tempers rarely contain it forever. The longer you stay, the more likely you are to be caught in the crossfire.

Love and patience won’t fix this. Managing anger properly takes serious self-awareness, often with professional help. So ask yourself: do you really want to be with someone whose mood can turn your day upside down? And worse, are you willing to live on edge, wondering when that fury might turn on you?

A new partner who showers you with affection, endless compliments, and grand gestures? Sounds like a dream. Being called their soulmate within days feels intoxicating, like you’ve finally found the one. But when the intensity seems over the top, it’s time to take a step back.

Love bombing is a flood of affection that feels almost too much, too soon. Right now, you’re their perfect match, the love of their life, the person they’ve been waiting for. But what happens next? That same adoration can quickly turn into coldness, rejection, or even contempt.

People who love bomb tend to have extreme emotions. They chase passion in all its forms, whether euphoric or destructive. But real love isn’t about constant emotional highs and lows. Before you get swept up in the whirlwind, ask yourself: is this genuine, or are you being pulled into something that won’t last?

At the start of a relationship, it’s easy to see everything through rose-coloured glasses. That rush of excitement can cloud your judgment, making a clear warning sign look like nothing more than a harmless quirk. But brushing off those early red flags can lead you straight into something toxic.

So how do you know if your gut feeling is right? Turn to the people who know you best. Introduce your partner to trusted friends, the ones who will see things clearly even when you can’t. If your partner refuses to meet them, that alone should raise an eyebrow.

Then, talk to them directly. Be honest about what’s bothering you and watch how they react. A mature, emotionally secure person will listen and have a conversation. But if they dismiss your concerns, get defensive, or dodge the topic altogether, that’s a problem.

Walking away from a new and exciting relationship might feel disappointing, but staying in a relationship that could hurt you? That’s far worse. Trust yourself, trust your instincts, and don’t be afraid to put yourself first.

So no matter how amazing new love may seem, staying clear-headed is just as important as enjoying the moment.

A red flag isn’t just a minor flaw. More often than not, it points to something deeper, a trait that could shape the entire relationship. Ignoring it might mean walking straight into something unbalanced, or worse, toxic. And there’s never a bad reason to walk away if something makes you uncomfortable or crosses your boundaries.

Listen to your gut, respect your needs, and never be afraid to be honest, with yourself and with them. In the end, a breakup today is far better than heartbreak you could have avoided tomorrow.