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How to Talk About BDSM With Your Partner

How to Talk About BDSM With Your Partner

Posted on 1 June 2023 by Natalia
How to Talk About BDSM With Your Partner

Navigating the waters of intimacy and sexual exploration within a relationship requires honesty, trust, and open communication. One topic that might be particularly challenging to broach is BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism), a complex and multifaceted set of sexual practices that not everyone feels comfortable discussing.

For many, the world of BDSM conveys images and ideas that are taboo or unconventional, adding layers of potential misunderstandings and judgments. This article aims to delve into the reasons why discussing BDSM with a partner can be difficult, while also offering insights and guidance on how to approach these potentially sensitive conversations. Whether you're new to the topic or experienced but struggling to communicate your desires, read on and allow the LOVE Team to explain all.

1. Remember to communicate

Choose the right moment: You’re about to have an important conversation, so make sure your partner is relaxed and willing to give you some time. If this isn't the case, postpone your conversation until later. Otherwise, the conversation will be pointless.


Don't put any pressure on your partner: BDSM (like any sexual practice) is based on the full consent of both partners. Give your partner the opportunity to express their opinions and set their own boundaries.


Be clear and honest: Express your desires openly, be direct and don't hide your intentions. BDSM is different from rough sex in that it is based on dominance and discipline. So be open and clear about your expectations so as not to mislead your partner.

Do your research: Read, watch films, find out about the different types of BDSM and toys used (have you ever heard of a speculum?). This will enable you to start your new adventure in complete safety.

Define the kind of games you’d like to try: Talk about the activities you'd like to try beforehand (like wax play). What games do you think are possible? How intense do you want things to get? Discussing everything beforehand will prevent you from crossing any boundaries.

Read our guides: We recommend that you read our guide How to explore sadomasochism safely: a beginner's guide to your first session. You'll find invaluable advice on how to prepare for your first time.

2. Be prepared

There are many toys available to enhance your BDSM experience. Here's how to get started:
A wide range of toys: Blindfolds, bondage ropes, whips, sex toys and different outfits... The possibilities are endless. Look through our catalogue, compare and imagine... You'll soon find the toy that will make you want to take the plunge.
The right toy for your level of experience: Beginners should start by choosing the right toy for their level of experience. There's no need to buy an expert toy that you won't know how to handle. Furry handcuffs, tickling feathers and blindfolds are a good place to start for a beginner!

A test session: It can be useful to practise handling the toys before your first "real" session. This will allow you to talk to your partner and check that you are both comfortable with using a particular toy and enjoying a particular activity.

3. Respect yourself…and your partner!

The most important rule for a successful BDSM session is to have respect for the other person and for yourself.

Forget any stereotypes: BDSM does not require a man to dominate or a woman to submit. Forget any typical gender roles: both men and women can be a Dom or a sub! BDSM is about total freedom, so you can totally indulge yourself (as long as you respect your partner’s boundaries, of course).
Be creative: No two BDSM sessions are the same. This is your space, do what you want with it: let your fantasies run wild, let go of your inhibitions and prejudices. BDSM allows you to explore your desires and sexuality off the beaten track. Make the most of it. BDSM is a space for creativity and personal exploration. One caveat: any action must be done with the consent, respect and safety of each participant.

Use a safeword: Choose a safeword that you can say if you want to stop the action immediately. This will ensure a safe environment for everyone involved in the session and strengthen the intimate bond between you.