My partner is too noisy in bed: what should I do?

There are many reasons that explain why some people might be more noisy than others. It’s important to note that noise isn’t necessarily a synonym for lack of respect or discomfort. Quite the opposite, it can even represent real passion and total abandon. The aim is to find that perfect middle ground so that each partner feels free and happy without making the walls shake (or waking up the whole neighbourhood).

Noise in bed is often linked to the way in which each individual expresses their pleasure. Some people are just naturally more expressive, whether it be a way for them to let off some steam or simply because they’re used to letting themselves go. Sometimes, outside influences may be to blame (pornography, education, social models): we often unconsciously reproduce the things we’ve seen or heard.

Whatever it may be, all this racket might not necessarily be a negative thing. It could be a sign of self confidence, complete abandon or even the will to make one’s desire known. Shouts in bed aren’t simply noises: they also indicate something about the person and their relationship to pleasure.

Even though shouting or moaning loudly can be an ego boost for some, the context of the situation can quickly complicate things. Thin walls, living in shared accommodation, children in the room next door… For some, the fear of someone hearing you can generate stress and ruin the moment. It’s also possible that someone’s shouts and moans can distract their partner, meaning they can no longer concentrate on their own pleasure.

The judgement felt by others, especially in shared housing, can be hard to handle: we often fear judgement or mockery, which can end up causing long-term embarrassment in a relationship. In this case, it’s important to discuss the subject openly with your partner in order to find a solution that works best for everyone.

It’s just as important to listen to what your partner has to say when having these conversations. Maybe it makes them feel good expressing themselves in this way, maybe shouting helps them to reach orgasm or maybe it’s a reflection of their new-found confidence. The goal is to reach a compromise in which each person is free to feel and express their pleasure, all whilst taking into account their environment and each other's sensitivities.

Before resigning yourself to stifling your moans, don’t worry as there are many easy, effective tips that help to lower (or cover) the sound, without sacrificing pleasure or intimacy.

• Coordinated breathing: By concentrating on a slower, deeper rhythm, you’ll be able to connect to how you're feeling in a quieter way.
• Slow sex: Opt for slow movements and soft touches to try and maintain an atmosphere that is quieter yet still highly sensual.
• Change of scenery: A weekend away in a hotel or utilising a more sound-proof room in the house will allow you to let yourself go without fearing the nosey neighbour next door.
• Background noise or background music: If you still want to let your desires be known in the bedroom, playing a little bit of music or adding some background noise (the shower, a fan etc.) can help to partially muffle sounds.
  

Noise can become a real factor of arousal and increase intimacy in a relationship. By paying attention to every moan or sigh, you’re able to understand the desires of the other person, predict when an orgasm is close or turn up the intensity during a key moment. Using sounds to communicate your enjoyment or your needs is an erotic language in itself.

To take things a step further, transform the need for discretion into a sultry game. Trying to stay quiet whilst having dinner at a friend’s house, for example, is a great way to create a deliciously exciting form of sexual tension. If you’re comfortable with the idea, you can also integrate submission and domination games into the situation: one of the partners is banned from making any noise otherwise they’ll receive a (consenting) punishment, a spank, an order or a forbidden kiss… This playful type of roleplay can turn an obligation into the perfect thing to spice up your sex life.

A noisy partner doesn’t necessarily have to be a problem: it’s often the expression of overwhelming passion and delightful abandon. When noise starts to become a problem (embarrassment, bothering the neighbours , etc.) it’s important to communicate in order to find a compromise. Between finding new approaches, open communication and spicy games, you can turn these shouts and moans into a bonus… or curb them to protect your peaceful sex life.

Don’t forget that it’s imperative to respect each other’s wants and to maintain the strong bond you and your partner have. As long as you listen to one another, noise is just another component amongst others in your sex life, that should be handled with creativity and kindness.